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I feel like this is something important to talk about, I've been very
withheld for a while about it all and just decided it'd probably be best
to just let it out so I can feel relaxed a little more I guess. This will be
a very long read I'm sure, I'm writing this in my bath at 4am on my
phone so forgive any mistakes or confusing bits.

Back in October/November of 2020, I for the first time since when
16 had just released I decided to try and speedrun 1 16 some to
get a decent time. My goal was to get a time faster than 25 minutes,
which was a good time and fairly obtainable at the time for me
without spending months speedrunning_ We had or were just about
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to switch manhunt to 1 _ 16 and I wanted to get practice for that, and
then speedrun for a better 1.15 time; because my record on 1.15 had
been beaten

After running for about a week, I got a 19 minute time (that arguably
could have been lower, ironically enough due to bad luck). started
running 1 '5 directly after; and a few day's later there were some
suspicions involving my streamed runs on 1.16. At this point, I was
cooperative but upset and confused that I was being questioned I
provided all the information that could, and assumed that everything
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was fine. As chatter grew, I was confused and the numbers didn't
look to be in my favor.

At this point I reached out to the only mojang developer that I had
contact with, and talked for an hour or so about what was going on. I
told him the details and was asking if there's potential for a bug or
glitch, and he told me that no there isn't, but said some things about
how banning for luck seems far fetched and that they should improve
their system.

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I felt a little reassured; but also angry that I was potentially being
dragged for absolutely nothing. It wasnt a huge thing yet, but it still
lingered in my mind and I couldnt really think about anything other
than it

As time went on and many weeks passed, I grew more and more
frustrated, convinced that was being targeted due to the fact that I
was a Youtuber and a couple of the mods (self admitted) didnt like
me at all and didn't have many kind words to I was an asshole
and lashed out publicly saying the investigation was a farce and
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expressing how pissed I was that I was being targeted and that it
was taking so long; as the mods kept giving me deadlines and then
missing them.

This was terribly stupid of me to do. I was scared and stressed and
said and did shitty things. I regret ita lot and really wish that I had
been able to keep my calm.

Later that month, the speedrun team released a video and a
document detailing why my 1.16 runs couldnt have been legitimate
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based on math and statistics. I admittedly don't know shit about math
and statistics, I didn't go to college and I hated math my whole life. At
this point I felt complete fear, as I felt like I had been publicly
smeared in a way that I have no clue how to respond to. I didn't
understand the math and I didn't understand why had been left in
the dark for so long only to have a video dropped randomly on me
right before MCC. At this point and before, I had multiple speedrun
moderators messaging me scary things about how it was a shit show
and no one could agree on things just before the release, that they
were clearly biased against me and so on. In retrospect, this may
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have been out of fear and wanting to be on the good side of a really
big youtuber, or maybe they were being truthful or a little bit of both
All I know is that it scared me a lot. feeling like everything you built
might come tumbling down and there's nothing you can do about it is
really stressful.

Again, I lashed out I üeeted about the mods being clout chasers;
and said a lot of really dicky things I was pissed, I was scared, and I
was being an idiot.

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Shortly after that, someone gave me the idea to hire a professional
statistician I know nothing about math. This calmed me
down a lot and brought me back to a much healthier mindset. I
and I ended up finding two professors and I emailed them
both about the situation asking for assistance. Only one of them was
available to help.

I was looking for help and I told them that I didn't cheat, and that I
just needed a second opinion on the math Eventually the professor
came back with a conclusion that the mods numbers were off by a
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significant significant margin; and that's it's possible although
extremely unlikely. Again, not completely understanding math but
knowing that my experts opinion seemed to be that the mods were
off; I felt vindicated and relieved. I made a video about it, and
expressed the professors views. people hounded me for it saying
that the Astro physicist was fake; but the mods confirmed it was legit.
I just wanted a (mostly) unbiased parties opinion.

The mods came back with a response; correcting the professor and
saying that he was off and providing reasons for why. Again, I don't
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understand complicated math so I sent it directly to the professor
asking for his thoughts. Later on; he came back admitting there were
mistakes in his original assessment, although he still believed theirs
was off In his rebuttal though, he came to the conclusion that It's
improbable that didn't cheat I felt like the right thing to do was post
his findings, even though he hadn't asked me to yet, I did I tweeted
them out and replied saying that I agree that It seems more likely
than not that I cheated. I didn't say anything more than that.

Funnily enough; he actually emailed me a day or two later saying I
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need to post his findings, or he will (semi-threatening, but not in a
mean way), and I responded that already had before he even
asked.

At this point was lost, and was fairly confused about the whole
thing Wondering what the other options were and exploring the
possibilities. as much as I was confident that I didnt cheat, I had
never explored the option that I possibly did due to the way reacted
to the mods and perceived everything going on I was convinced that
they were out to get me. I tunnel visioned and was paranoid and
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didn't think straight. had plenty of valid reasons to believe that they
weren't impartial, and had the mod team and I been completely
friendly from the beginning I it never would have gotten to the
point that it did.

After considering this, I ended up finding out that I HAD actually
using a disallowed modification during —6 of my live streams on
Twitch At the time we were just starting to record videos on 1.16 and
we had just hired a developer to help with ctxiing mods for videos
because me and George had no experience with mods only plugins.
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One of the mtxis that they were working on was an overall recording
mod, that I have used in every video (with updates and
improvements) since around the speedrun controversy You may
notice it in my videos due to f3 being small or particles being
reduced, or recently on my streams things like the background being
custom or a "Dreams servers" option and plenty of other features and
improvements.

In our challenge videos, before 1.16 we always increased the
enderman spawn rates and pearl drop rates out of convenience and
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we've mentioned that openly before. It makes the videos better
because we don't spend hours looking for pearls or spend so much
time farming blaze axis (a totally RNG thing, mostly pearls). When 1.16
came out, it was more complicated to increase piglin trades
then it is to do enderman pearl drops. A server side plugin was made
for our videos that slightly increases the rates. Around this time is
when the first versions of the recording mod was being made;
although it was more of a chat at this point.

I had considered at the time that this potentially could have been a
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problem, but brushed it off because 1 Server side and client side are
completely different and as far as I was aware nothing had been
done client side. 2_ as far as I knew it was just basically a chat
so far and 3. was 99% sure that didn't even have the recording
mod on. Which was backed up by the fabric api logs saying that only
the fabric api was loaded (although I found out later it only lists things
that explicitly ask to be listed which I had no idea) this was
mentioned in my response video.

I ended up thinking that its basically the only explanation after the
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professor came back with what he did. I talked with the developer
and ended up finding out that when working on the stuff he had
added the same improvements from our challenge servers to the
client side mod so that they would work in single player for videos
like the shock collar video or other "single player mod videos. This
was only in an early rendition of the mod and was removed because
the developer realized that those type of videos can just be done on
a PC hosted server This actually included a couple other things that
weren't mentioned at all during the controversy much as far as I'm
aware. Ender eyes had a low chance of breaking when thrown; and
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enderman dropped pearls at a much higher percentage (I don't think
I killed many enderman so this wasnt noticeable; similar to the eyes).
When I realized this, I felt an extreme sense of guilt and took down
my response video not believing in what I said in the video at all
anymore. This was a couple months ago at this point I believe. When
the drama first started I cared more about defending myself and
being right, then about figuring out what was actually going on and I
shot myself in the foot by doing it.

I felt really terrible for the mtxis because I dragged them through the
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mud even though they were mostly right. I still feel as though the
mod team was extremely unprofessional when dealing with it; but
they're a group of volunteers just trying to do their job and in their
eyes I was some cheating sob youtuber who didnt care at all Maybe
in their position I would have treated me the same. I was an asshole
back to them which didnt help at all either.

When I realized this, I felt an extreme sense of guilt and I took down
my response video not believing in what I said in the video at all
anymore This was a couple months ago at this point I believe. When
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the drama first started I cared more about defending myself and
being right, then about figuring out what was actually going on and I
shot myself in the foot by doing it.

I felt really terrible for the mtxis because I dragged them through the
mud even though they were mostly right. I still feel as though the
mod team was extremely unprofessional when dealing with it; but
they're a group of volunteers just trying to do their job and in their
eyes I was some cheating sob youtuber who didnt care at all Maybe
in their position I would have treated me the same. I was an asshole
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back to them which didnt help at all either.

I reflected a lot about the entire thing and had a lot of regret about
just the first few days after the runs What if they had asked for my
mods sooner, what if I had realized sooner, what if I hadn't had a
history with a couple of the mods maybe I wouldn't have jumped
straight to them being out to get me. Further past that what if I could
have controlled my emotions and not blown the whole thing out of
proportiotm I can't live by what ifs though so I was just left with what I
had. I debated live streaming or making a video about it; but the
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drama had basically already passed and I was worried about
rekindling the fire when had already gone through basically a
couple months straight of absolutely being shit on by anyone that
didn't think of me favorably, and the mods had gone through weeks
of torture 1m sure too.

I figured its out of the way, and it would be a story I would tell in a
few years when no one really cared. I told a couple people and just
felt like the community had been through enough drama and that it
was pointless. I didn't want to be the center of controversy for the
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hundredth time.

It was shitty and an unfortunate situation where I felt like I couldn't
defend myself anymore in good faith without feeling bad but I also
didn't have any intention of cheating.

Since the speedrun controversy there's been some animosity
between me and the mods, and I feel like the relationship only got
worse. They declined my donations from the controversy video, got
into drama a couple times With me/my community on Twitter
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since(dont want to go into specifics), and a month or so ago added
me to a chat questioning me about my previous 1.15 runs from
around a year ago. They saw a suspicious black box that they
thought meant a splice, but it tumed out to be a youtube setting on
their end that they realized, and they had some other random
questions as well. This was resolved fairly maturely I believe and I
haven't talked to them since.

Yesterday around MCC the mods made the decision to remove my
old runs due to suspicions and the fact that my 1.16 run was invalid,
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which is something that is done with most people who submit any
invalid runs at all. I'm sure there's reasonable suspicions about most
runs, especially offline ones from back when they were allowed, so
couple that with a 1.16 run being actually invalid and it's a completely
reasonable assumption. You cant give someone the benefit of doubt
on lag or frame skips or potential cuts or anything unless they've
earned it, and in this case I haven't at all. So dont want to see any
hate towards the mods or any drama involving the fact that they were
marked invalid due to my 1.16 run. I think it's dumb that it's been
done 11 months later, but its understandable and if anything, I
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deserve it, and it puts an end to any potential drama. (at this point
what could they do, double ban me? /j)

I'm not really sure what 1m expecting out of all of this; but I just felt
like I had a huge weight on my shoulder and I want to get it off. I think
the whole situation was extremely shitty overall for everyone involved
and I wish that I could go back and do things differently because it
was some of the worst weeks of my life and still impacts me every
day. I'm sorry to anyone that I let down or disappointed I always
strive to be the best person that I can be and that whole debacle
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wasnt the best that I can be or anywhere near It. I hope this brings
some closure to anyone who needed it, and I really want to move
forward with positive vibes like I've been trying my best to promote
as much as I can.

When I got into speed running I was doing it every day for months,
and you can see the skill improvement even just over a few months
of tryharding It was so much fun and I got a few snarky records that I
shouldn't have got in the first place (my first world record I chopped
down trees for 10 minutes; I still find that hilarious how unoptimized
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the category was) I came in at the right time and met some
absolutely incredible people who are some of the best Minecraft
players on the planet I am no where near the best speedrunner and
I never have been, was in the right place at the right time and was
able to have a lot of fun because of that.

I hope that this gives insight into my mindset a little bit, but if not I'm
not sure what will. I'm sure I'll talk about it more just for clarity sake,
but I want to avoid causing more drama. please don't send any hate
to the mod team or anyone involved in the situation; I dont want any
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more drama at all, you're no supporter of mine if you do.

dream
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