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Randy's Guide to Asian Massage Parlors

I've been visiting Asian Massage Parlors (AMP) for years now, having gotten my first taste as schoolboy in an Asian Country. While they don't always deliver a 100-year flood kind of experience, they are great for their availability, cost and general quality. Numerous people have commented about bad experiences in AMPs but I believe, that in the large, they just didn't know how to go about getting what they wanted. Out of literally hundreds of visits, I've had only one bad experience (she thought I was a cop or something) in an AMP and the MamaSan wanted to make it up to me.

Disclaimer. This guide does not encourage you to take part in any illegal activity. 

The setup

AMPs everywhere are amazingly similar in their structure and operation. It usually consists of a small entry area with a 
services/prices sign, doorbell button and a small window. Inside, it's usually a warren of corridors and small rooms. Some (like Golden Flower, in SF) have a waiting area inside where you can pick out your girl. They often have a separate exit where you can leave and avoid the next guy coming in.

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Costs

Your mileage will vary but typically, the basic service (massage, body shampoo, …) will cost as little as $ 40 for a half hour to $ 60 for an hour. There are lots of variations so you will need to think on your feet. I prefer to opt for the lower cost entry fee and give more tip money to the girl. For additional services, you will negotiate with the girl for her tips (more on this later). Full service, if available, usually runs $ 100 to $ 160. For oral, its usually $ 60-80 and a hand release is typically $ 40 but sometimes can be had for the basic package price.

Many places have additional services like body shampoo, spa/hot tub, sauna, etc. These can be really great additions. For example, body shampoo can be very fun. It usually consists of her washing you all over but is a great prelude to the off-menu extras.

Your total price will often be affected by local pricing. San Franciso pricing is always a bit above the average. For example, Golden Flower girls usually ask for 140-160 for extras (meaning closer to $ 200 total). So, you wont pay much below $ 140 but should never pay more than $ 200. The fancier the place, the higher the price.

I suggest you leave your wallet in your car or home or what ever. Take only enough money to cover what you want. She can't shake you down for money you don't have.

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Getting In

Your first goal is to get past the entry area. You enter, ring the bell and wait nervously while some one comes to greet you. It's often the MamaSan. She usually weighs about 200 lbs and has an unfriendly demeanor. In some places, the next available girl greets you. Usually she says "what you want?". Here's where you need to be creative. Your goal is to become her friend.

If you know nothing about the place, ask for what ever appears to be their standard "legit" offering. Like body shampoo or massage or hot towel wrap. You get the picture. Never ask for a service that isn't on the menu. I once asked for a massage and they said "no have massage". After some uh-ing and ah-ing I got inside but it was very uncomfortable. Never, ever ask for anything illegal. You'll be back on your way in no time flat! Also, you don't need to opt for the 1 hr service, there appears to be little enforcement of the time.

If you have read reviews and know a girl's name, ask for her. I usually try to pick a review that is old enough so there is a good chance she's not there anymore. You will get something like "she not here now". I usually say, "that's too bad, she was really nice". Then ask who else is available. A couple of times, I've gotten the girl that I asked for. I just play along. She's probably seen hundreds of guys and she doesn't want to upset you so she'll play along too.

In either case you will get The Question. "You been here before?" There is only one correct answer – Yes. (OK, if it's a BRANDNEW place, maybe not.) The reason for this is that they will often put you through a much more stringent test (more on this later) but more importantly, you wont get their best girl. Repeat customers get better service.

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This is often followed by "who you see?". Be creative. Forgetting her name is always ok. Describe an average Asian woman. Be calm and deliver it smoothly. Unless you look like Law Enforcement, you wont get the third degree. One time I asked for a girl I had seen and MamaSan said "nobody that name ever here". I just shrugged and said, "I must be wrong about the name". I got in.

At this point you may be asked to pay for the service you selected. Sometimes they bring your change later so don't be alarmed if they don't give it immediately. One thing that is very good is to give MamaSan a tip. Ten or twenty dollars goes a long way towards making her like you and picking a better girl for you. I had one MamaSan really like me a lot – she'd hug me when I left and I always got her best girls. All for a measly $ 20. Good investment, huh? Also, it doesn't hurt to let them see your tip money when you pay for the room. Just another signal that you are real.

In some AMPs, the girl will take a lump sum payment for the room and extras at the start. That is always a good sign but be aware that there is a risk that they aren't a full service place.

Never, ever mention reviews or the internet. I have heard of guys being turned away at that point. These outfits want to fly under the radar so any kind of publicity is bad in their minds. Also, remember to smile at her. She's human.

The Room

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OK, so you made it past the MamaSan! There are usually 2 possibilities: you get shown to a room or you get to make your girl selection. You can figure out how to pick a girl on your own. Just one thing, I never pick the prettiest girl (unless the rest are all total woofers). This is because all the guys pick her and you are much more likely to get great service from number 2 or 3. She will then take you to the room.

If you get shown to the room, it means MamaSan is making the selection for you or the girl that met you is yours. The room is usually about the size of a walk-in closet with a massage table, maybe a chair and a little table to put stuff on. They all seem to have that St Vincent DePaul ambiance. After some chit-chat she will probably tell you to disrobe or get comfortable or something similar and then leave. Some times this is where the money for basic service gets taken. Once you are alone in the room, disrobe immediately. This is very important. Getting naked is the first sign that you are a real customer. It's ok to put a towel on but let her see your cock by being "careless" with the towel. This is essential to establishing a level of trust between you and her. At a new place, I will often take my tip money out and put on the table. That's a good signal.

At some point you will be offered a shower, body shampoo or similar. You should take it. There are several reasons for this. Cleanliness is very important to Asians. If she washes you, it can be fun and help send the right signals (see below). It helps to establish you as a real customer.

The Test

Your girl will enter the room to start the basic service. It is critical that you let her know that you're a hobbyist. You should try to give her a hug at some point. Body contact is always a good way to send the right signals. I usually try to run my hands over her ass while hugging. Having an erection she can feel is very helpful as well. If it's a massage, you will lie on your stomach and she will start doing her thing. She will ask you questions (who you see, where you live, where you work, …). They are designed to give her a sense of you. At this point you need to be sending signals to her that you are looking for 
more than a massage. Here are some things that seem to work: Have an erection; Drop your hand down and rub her legs as she massages you; Make satisfied sounds when she rubs you ass; Hump your ass up every time she gets near it. I particularly like ass play. She will often focus on it and it can lead to some fun. By the way, at that point, you've probably passed the test. 
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I've had some fun tests. One girl walked up to me as I sat on the massage table and pulled her shirt up. I buried my face in her boobs and we were off to the races. Some times the initial hug can turn into heavy foreplay. Just keep your wits about you and don't hesitate to take some gentle liberties.

Extras

Assuming you have passed the test, she will ask you what else you want. Often this happens after she is done massaging your back and flips you over. I usually whisper in her ear "everything". Then she will ask how much you want to pay. I often start at 80 and settle for 100. She will try for 120 or 140. They almost always settle for 100 but more popular girls can command a higher price. Girls in the fancier places always ask for more. Also, if you've been really nice, she may go a little easy on the price. What ever you do, never pay 80 or more for less than full service. This changes their pricing structure 
and makes it hard to get good service at reasonable prices. Some times they don't even talk price – that means she trusts you. Make sure you compensate her fairly in that case.

Some times the above dance gets cut short. She may decide that you are legit and go straight for the extras. I've had this happen a number of times and while it makes it a little easier, I actually enjoy the dance. The good ones will often give you the basic service even if you got the extras up front however, a fair number of the girls want to move you along as soon as possible.

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Special Situations

Some times you will just get a girl that doesn't do extras. No amount of signals help. That's life. Don't be rude or angry. You should get the basic service you agreed on, though. Note that you may have sent the wrong signals. She will let you know if she's not available for extras by rejecting your signals. It will be obvious. However, they sometimes do this if they still aren't sure about you yet. So don't give up immediately.

If you want special things like kissing, Greek, etc., you will need to ask the girl about them when negotiating. Note that these are fairly rare but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Sometimes they give you a real hound. I've never had an absolute dog but several that weren't "my type". It's your right to say no and ask for some one else. Keep in mind that this doesn't always lead to getting a better-looking woman and, in my opinion, almost never leads to a good experience. So, I usually walk out in that case. Some times they offer some one else at that point. Be nice about it and act sad but not angry. They usually do want to keep you happy.

What about a visit from Law Enforcement? This happens from time to time. Given the structure of how people gain admission, its likely that this will not be a totally rude surprise and you will have time to prepare for a visitor in your room. Stay calm. There is nothing illegal about getting a massage or sauna or what ever. This actually happened to me during, shall we say, a very inappropriate moment. There was a signal that I missed but she didn't. I put a towel on and 
sat on the massage table for what seemed like an hour. The fellow that entered the room was polite and only asked me a few questions. I complained about not getting my massage yet and he moved on. After they left, we finished up! 
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Finding an AMP

They are everywhere! I've found them in every major North American city I've ever visited and lots of smaller towns have them as well. A stroll through the phone book usually helps. You can usually tell by their name. It often is some Asian sounding name. Some of them use works like Spa, Acupressure, Sauna, Massage, etc in the name. Places that use terms like LMP (Licensed Massage Provider) or your local equivalent typically aren't an AMP. Though, I have visited a couple that had LMP on the sign. They are usually in somewhat run down buildings in strip malls and such. Typically, all the windows are curtained off and the outside lighting is dim.

The Internet is a great place to do your research. TbeBigDoggie, TheEroticReview, Usenet and numerous other sites have lots of good information. You will be able to find places that have what you are looking for and even get girl's names. My current favorite AMP girl is one I found that way.

Treat the Ladies Well

Please, please, please, do not treat these girls badly. They are people and have feelings. A lot of them are illegal aliens and spend nearly their entire time in America (or where ever) in the parlor. They sleep there, eat there, and work there. You will get a much better experience if you are kind to them.
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Conclusion

There are lots of great AMPs out there. Don't hesitate to try it out.
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